Reasons Why People Stay In Wrong Relationships

By Fred Eche-Ofun Egba

Sometimes ago a girl told a story about how she was raped at 14 years of age. Since then her world was shattered. She kept away from men and any form of relationship with them, because he sees them as beast that should not be related with. Though she was bombarded everyday by overtures from men she vowed she would have nothing to do with them. The wall of her resolution crashed when she got into the university. In her third year she met and fell in love with Dickson (not his real name), who initially made her forget the pain of her past hurt, but not long afterward Dickson turned out to be something else altogether.

He would beat her up at any slightest provocation and force himself on her on each occasion that this happens. This way she had become pregnant on several occasions but he would not take responsibility for it, so she had to abort each time. What I find intriguing is the fact that Juliet (not her real name) knew she had no future with Dickson and he has also made it clear to her but she still stuck to him like gum.

I wondered why it is so. What make people stick to wrong relationship even when you know that the future of that relationship is bleak? Even when you know that the man does not care a dime about your feelings? Even when you know that you stand a chance of being heart broken in the end.

There are certain reasons I have discovered about why people would not let go of wrong relationships.

Reason #1: Fear of the Unknown. The philosophy that says that the devil you know is better than the angel you cannot see has kept lots of people in bondage. This mentality, to my own believe, is for those with mediocre mindset. It is the assertion of those who are myopic in their thinking and doomed to fail. There are better opportunities out there waiting to be explored. There are guys out there who would do anything to have you and treat you like a queen. The reason why you have not met with them is because you are in a wrong relationship environment. Life is all about chances. Take a chance; step out before it is regretfully late. Sometimes you need to take a step from the world of the known into the unknown in order to make progress.

Reason #2: The assumption that he will change. The truth is that they never change. Only few do, probably by a divine intervention. A leopard, they say cannot change its spot. One thing you should know is that you cannot change someone who is not willing to change. Change in their lives is not your decision. It is theirs to make.

Reason #3: Passing Time until the Mr. Right Shows Up. How can Mr. Right shows up when you are not free? You have got to be available in order to be found.

Reason #4: The Sense of Loss. Some people think they have invested so much into a relationship to just let go. So they stay in a disastrous relationship so they could protect their investment. If your investment has not yielded desired fruit why don’t you start all over?  This is actually the problem. The thought of starting all over is just too unbearable to consider. It is better you lose the so called investment that you have made now than to lose your life. Why seek the living among the dead?

Reason #5: Monetary Compensation. For some people, as long as their monetary demands are being met, the relationship is good even when they are battered emotionally. Yes, you may have all the glamour that money provides, but are you finding fulfillment in that relationship? You are human and not a toy that is for sale. A time comes when money will no longer make meaning to you in that relationship because love can only be satisfied with love. When you give of your emotion, the only thing that will fill it up again is when you receive emotionally satisfaction.

Reason #6: Avoiding Guilt Consciousness. Sometimes people want to escape the guilt that comes with breaking up from a wrong relationship. We sometimes don’t want to hurt the other person. My question is, why are you concerned about the feeling of someone who has been abusing you and do not care for you whether you are hurt or not?  Have you considered that such person would leave you without batting an eyelid?  

Reason #7: Family Pressure. Because of poverty a family may pressurize their daughter into a relationship with a man who has been a source of succor to them, thereby alleviating the poverty in the family. Now they don’t care about the feeling of their daughter and what she is going through in the hand of that man, even when they are not married yet. They are the first to tell her to endure and that the man is kind man and that he will change with time. In extreme circumstances she may come under threat of being disowned if she refuses to remain in that wrong relationship. And so she becomes their sacrificial lamb.

Reason #8: The Power of Love. There is no underrating the power of love. It is said that love is as strong as death.  The beauty of love is when it is mutual not when it is one sided. Love should be given as well as received. When there is a consistent outflow without an inflow you will soon get spent. People say that love is blind. I believe it is blind when you use your heart only without your head. The heart loves best, but it takes the head to make a best choice.

These lists are not in any way exhaustive. There are many other reasons why people get stuck in a wrong relationship. Please, leave a comment and let me know of the other factors you may know.

fredegba@gmail.com