How To Communicate In Relationship

The ability to communicate is too essential in any relationship you are building or intending to build. When words are well spoken it brings refreshing to the soul, if not it creates disaster. Relationships are built through the power of words and are also scattered through words. Wars begin because of words. Peace is also brokered through words. You need to understand that words links people and it separates as well. You must also take into consideration the fact that your word today has the capacity to create the world you will live in tomorrow. One wrong word has sent people to jail or even out of life.

WORDS ARE IRRETRIEVABLE
Words are absolutely irretrievable, no matter how much you apologized for saying the wrong things. The fact still remains that you cannot withdraw your statement from the minds of people, as it is a very powerful storage device in man. They will always be remembered. The words that will not be remembered are the ones unsaid. So wisdom demands that you manage your words in any relationship whether with friends, employer, teachers, parents, children, spouse, even with yourself. Sacred Wisdom of the Ancient says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" and again "you are ensnared with the words of your mouth, you are taken with the words of your mouth". What you say to yourself is very crucial to what happens to you in life. Every word you speak goes into your account in the future. Jesus speaking on this wise says every idle word you say would be judged. 

There is one thing I have come to understand about negative words. They usually have greater impact when spoken and are easily remembered. You don't have to repeat them to have much effect. Once is enough. People tend to hear negative words twice over even though it was spoken once or even half a time. "There is he that speaketh like the piercing of the swords: but the tongue of the wise is health." Therefore, watch what you say. Say the right things and get the right results. Hurtful words are very destructive but rightful words build. Sacred Wisdom succinctly put it thus: "A word fitly spoken is like apple of gold in picture of silver."

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVE TURNS SOUR

I have heard that much water cannot quench the fire of love; but we hear of cases of love turned sour among the singles as well as the married everyday. And that leaves us in a quandary as to how true that statement is. If you are among those who now taste the bitter pill of heart break, I have news for you.

Break up in any relationship is not usually easy to bear. Its something that could shatter your world into pieces. But then that is subject to you, if you want your life to remain shattered. If you do not want it that way you can quickly mend your way out of the pain that follows broken relationship. Whenever love turned sour, it leaves you with a kind of bitterness in your heart. It is like your world has come to an end and life seems to hold no more meaning for you. Consequently you recoil into your shell of sorrow, mourning your lost love. And you may sometimes lose your mind trying to do so.

Friend, I have something to tell you: your life is too precious to be sacrificed on the altar of the love that could not work yesterday. Its gone! Face the stark reality. You cannot do anything about your past but then there is something you can do today to make sure your future is still secure. Do not let the aborted relationship of yesterday hold your tomorrow hostage.

Look at things this way; if your ex-lover has any relevant part to play in your future he could have stayed. God might just be delivering you from the hazard the relationship may cause you in the future. This is what to do when your love turns sour. Face up to the heartbreak now and get over it.

That your relationship failed does not mean it's the end of life for you. Do not build a wall of defense around you because of your past experience. It is not worth it. Some people closed up after been jilted. That is not the best thing to do. It would stop you from something that could be flourishing in the future.

Do not change your philosophy to accommodate your tragedy, that all men are wicked or that all women are daughters of evil. You were only unfortunate to meet the wrong person who happens to break your heart. There are so many great men and women out there that you have not met yet. So why close your life to them because of one wrong relationship. One bad egg must not be used as judgment against others.

You still have a great life ahead of you because what lies ahead is greater than what lies behind. There is glory you have never known ahead of you than the story that lies behind you. The world is too loaded with wonderful people, so break out of your cocoon of bitterness, and give life another chance. Who knows, you will thank God that things happened the way they did. There is hope still. People come and they go but life must continues. Agreed that you wasted your time and life building the relationship. Yes, it is not easy. However, loses are inevitable. While shrugging your shoulder may not be the easiest thing to when your love turns sours, you just have to let go for your heart sake and let the process of healing begin. Healing cannot begin until you divest yourself of the weight of sorrow burdening your heart.

Don't let the aborted relationship of yesterday hold your future in hostage. If your ex has any relevant part to play in your future he could have probably not jilted you. So why stick to an excess luggage that threatens to spoil the bliss waiting for you in the future. When your love turns sour, don't brood on the bitter taste for too long, put yourself together and keep moving on.

THE COMPLEXITY OF RELATIONSHIP

Sometimes ago, I used to wonder what life is all about. Why are we created? For whom are we created? And what are we doing here anyway with all the numerous problems all around us? So many questions that need answers, but then one thing I discovered is that we are all created for relationship. From the plant to the animal, even the elements are not left out.

There is nothing in life that existed only for itself. It exist to give and to take from others and that’s what relationship is about. The plants need man to survive as much as man needs the plant for oxygen to survive. Everything in creation works in synergy and that’s why the earth is still standing. This is what made me believe so much in relationship. No one can succeed alone. It has never happened. Even God who created life did not work alone.

So, you see without relationship the world would never have been a better place to live in. All the time we hear of bilateral relationship among nations, why? We all are dependent being. There's something you have that I don't have and there's what I have that you don't have. That's the way it is.

Even though we talk about a nation having independence, is that really true? The truth is no nation is absolutely self sufficient. I have heard people made statements like this, "I'm a self made man." Oh no, you are not a self made man. Let me put it this way; you are dependently made man. There were inputs from so many quarters that got you to where you are today.

We are made by relationships but the complexity of it all is that we are sometimes marred by it too. I bet you have seen some people that you envied their relationship yesterday because you thought they had it all going well for them but then boom, it crashed and what you see now leaves you wondering: what happen? What went wrong? The complexity of this is that most of the time you can't even explain what happened even though the people involved tried to give reasons for the demise of a once budding relationship. Sometimes the excuses leaves you numb because to you, it is not excuse enough! Well, there you are that's the complexity of relationships.

You go into a relationship, whether it’s a friendly or love relationship hoping you'll be in it forever. Afterward your hopes were dashed. How many friends have you broken up with? There are some you never broke up with them but the initial enthusiasm is no longer there, you are just dragging along now. What happened? Change. You met new people, probably or you have a change in your values and focus. Whatever it is, change is the only constant thing in life. That is what, to my own opinion, makes for complexity in relationships. Today things are moving well and the very next day you are singing a different tune.

Reasons Why People Stay In Wrong Relationships

By Fred Eche-Ofun Egba

Sometimes ago a girl told a story about how she was raped at 14 years of age. Since then her world was shattered. She kept away from men and any form of relationship with them, because he sees them as beast that should not be related with. Though she was bombarded everyday by overtures from men she vowed she would have nothing to do with them. The wall of her resolution crashed when she got into the university. In her third year she met and fell in love with Dickson (not his real name), who initially made her forget the pain of her past hurt, but not long afterward Dickson turned out to be something else altogether.

He would beat her up at any slightest provocation and force himself on her on each occasion that this happens. This way she had become pregnant on several occasions but he would not take responsibility for it, so she had to abort each time. What I find intriguing is the fact that Juliet (not her real name) knew she had no future with Dickson and he has also made it clear to her but she still stuck to him like gum.

I wondered why it is so. What make people stick to wrong relationship even when you know that the future of that relationship is bleak? Even when you know that the man does not care a dime about your feelings? Even when you know that you stand a chance of being heart broken in the end.

There are certain reasons I have discovered about why people would not let go of wrong relationships.

Reason #1: Fear of the Unknown. The philosophy that says that the devil you know is better than the angel you cannot see has kept lots of people in bondage. This mentality, to my own believe, is for those with mediocre mindset. It is the assertion of those who are myopic in their thinking and doomed to fail. There are better opportunities out there waiting to be explored. There are guys out there who would do anything to have you and treat you like a queen. The reason why you have not met with them is because you are in a wrong relationship environment. Life is all about chances. Take a chance; step out before it is regretfully late. Sometimes you need to take a step from the world of the known into the unknown in order to make progress.

Reason #2: The assumption that he will change. The truth is that they never change. Only few do, probably by a divine intervention. A leopard, they say cannot change its spot. One thing you should know is that you cannot change someone who is not willing to change. Change in their lives is not your decision. It is theirs to make.

Reason #3: Passing Time until the Mr. Right Shows Up. How can Mr. Right shows up when you are not free? You have got to be available in order to be found.

Reason #4: The Sense of Loss. Some people think they have invested so much into a relationship to just let go. So they stay in a disastrous relationship so they could protect their investment. If your investment has not yielded desired fruit why don’t you start all over?  This is actually the problem. The thought of starting all over is just too unbearable to consider. It is better you lose the so called investment that you have made now than to lose your life. Why seek the living among the dead?

Reason #5: Monetary Compensation. For some people, as long as their monetary demands are being met, the relationship is good even when they are battered emotionally. Yes, you may have all the glamour that money provides, but are you finding fulfillment in that relationship? You are human and not a toy that is for sale. A time comes when money will no longer make meaning to you in that relationship because love can only be satisfied with love. When you give of your emotion, the only thing that will fill it up again is when you receive emotionally satisfaction.

Reason #6: Avoiding Guilt Consciousness. Sometimes people want to escape the guilt that comes with breaking up from a wrong relationship. We sometimes don’t want to hurt the other person. My question is, why are you concerned about the feeling of someone who has been abusing you and do not care for you whether you are hurt or not?  Have you considered that such person would leave you without batting an eyelid?  

Reason #7: Family Pressure. Because of poverty a family may pressurize their daughter into a relationship with a man who has been a source of succor to them, thereby alleviating the poverty in the family. Now they don’t care about the feeling of their daughter and what she is going through in the hand of that man, even when they are not married yet. They are the first to tell her to endure and that the man is kind man and that he will change with time. In extreme circumstances she may come under threat of being disowned if she refuses to remain in that wrong relationship. And so she becomes their sacrificial lamb.

Reason #8: The Power of Love. There is no underrating the power of love. It is said that love is as strong as death.  The beauty of love is when it is mutual not when it is one sided. Love should be given as well as received. When there is a consistent outflow without an inflow you will soon get spent. People say that love is blind. I believe it is blind when you use your heart only without your head. The heart loves best, but it takes the head to make a best choice.

These lists are not in any way exhaustive. There are many other reasons why people get stuck in a wrong relationship. Please, leave a comment and let me know of the other factors you may know.

fredegba@gmail.com

Why You Need A Mentoring Relationship

Life is all about relating. How you relate will greatly determine how far you go in life and how successful you become ultimately. History is full of men who went up the ladder of success through relationship with others. If I were to mention names they will be too numerous to be named. So let me spare us all that.

But the fact is we all need someone to be able to make it through in life. No one can go it all alone. This world is not a place where we go solo. It would definitely be frustrating. However, relating to have an establish future would demand you make the right kind of choice. Bad relationship will end you up where you never expect to be. Maybe I should take a trip into that popular story of the prodigal son in the bible.

He desired to be successful, but the young man got into trouble at the end. He could not manage his success. Do you know why? He had poor mentoring relationship. He surrounded himself with the wrong kinds of mentors (prodigal sons probably), like himself. In life you do not need people like you, those who are probably at the same level with you. You will never go beyond that level of life. It takes relating with those who are above you to be able to make it to the sky. Someone had once said if he is been able to get far, it is because he climbs on the shoulder of someone taller than himself.

Note this: If you surround yourself with failures as mentors, of course you will end up a failure. It takes successful mentors to make successful protege. When you relate with an excelling mentor you will ultimately end up an 'exceller.'

Your relevance in any sphere of life is tied to how relevant your mentor-protégé relationship is. Prody left his father, who could have been his mentor in business. With all the wealth he acquired he still ended up with pigs. What a tragedy. He learnt his lessons the hard way. Until you have a mentor there are certain lessons you will have to learn the hard way.

Someone has walked the path you are walking now sometimes ago and had gone through the experience you are going through today. Do not wait to learn the entire lesson yourself, you may never live long to do that. Locate that man or woman and let him show you the ropes that will lead you to your glorious destiny.

Do not despise the place of relating with a mentor. They are there to make relevant input into you that will bring you into a significant position in life. Many are failing today for lack of working relationship with a mentor. Do not join the group of losers. To enter the hall of greatness you need to be introduced by a great mentor. Go for a mentoring relationship.

Hyper Smash

Making Yourself Relevant in a Relationship.

Relationship is something we all cannot do without, because considering our makeup we are meant to relate with at least someone. That was found in Adam's expression when Eve was brought to him. Before Eve was created he was lonely, frustrated and unfulfilled. When he discovered all the animals had companions, he began a longing for one too. So you can see how important relationship is. I want you to understand that it is one thing to desire a relationship; it is another ball game altogether to build and survive in that relationship. And one of the factors that would help you create a relationship void of abuse is the issue of self esteem.

When you have low self esteem it will be impossible for you to grow in any relationship. You cannot air your opinion no matter how relevant it is, therefore making yourself worthless and a liability and of course no one wants a liability in any relationship. They prefer to have an asset, including you also. Low self esteem happens when you do not believe in yourself or your ability. This will keep you frustrated. People appreciate one who possess self confidence and know their worth. If you don't have a worth in any relationship you will always be relegated to the background and ever be at the receiving end. And you will wonder why your partner does not attach any relevance to you. It is the signal you are sending that is determining his or her attitude.

BE RELEVANT
I want to believe the reason Adam listened to his wife was because of her relevance in his life. He knew her worth. So be a major player in your relationship and begin to make things happen. That is how you show your worth. Until you make yourself indispensable your days in that affair are numbered. Nobody wants to always be tugging along with weight. Relationship is all about mutual interaction. It takes iron to sharpen iron.

The reason why so many people are used and dumped is because their worth expired. Nobody rejects and dumps a valuable asset except that thing has become an albatross. Be an asset and not a liability. To look down on yourself is to place a limitation on your life and the ability you contain. You have what it takes for someone to want to stay glued to you; to make someone beg when you talk of quitting the relationship. But watch out when you say you are leaving and your partner does not care. It is only evidence that he/she was already tired of you. He would be happier more that you are leaving. You should be able to make someone yearn for you when you want to call off the relationship. When that person is going crazy to want you back, then know that you indeed created an impact.

Relationship is for profiting. So make yourself profitable by discerning your self-worth. Don't allow anyone to make you feel small or you will be the one to suffer at the long run. Be an asset in that relationship and earn your partner's respect.

How To Avoid Abuse In Your Relationship

A wise man once said, "If you don't know the value of a thing abuse is inevitable." And I say if you don't know your value in any relationship you find yourself you will be cheaply used, abused and dumped.

People had entered into a relationship not knowing what to expect neither do they know what to make out of it. And so they go into it blindly and shortly they began to have problems and begin to wonder why. Great relationship do not just happen, it is worked. Some people go into a relationship with the mentality of let’s see what this affair holds for me. No! It's supposed to be let's see what I can make out of this affair. Remember the adage that says, as you make your bed, so you will lie on it. The 'beautifulness' of your relationship is your non-transferable responsibility. When you go into a relationship without the concept that you are there to work it out, then you will suffer an abuse in that relationship and you will wonder why others were having it smooth and you are having it rough. Soon you may find yourself changing relationships thinking you were in the wrong one. But is that the solution?

You ought to sit down and make your calculations. You must find out what will work for you in the relationship you are building and major on it. You don't put a major emphasis on what is not relevant and play a minor note when you are supposed to play a major. Sometimes we are so carried away by our heart that we think we know longer need our head. While we bask in the euphoria of our emotions, you should know it takes more than that to have a beautiful relationship than that. For instance, you need to understand your partner through: what makes him/her happy. What would you do to get him/her stick to you for life? This comes by observation, by means of using your minds to think. Though you may think it is not feasible but it can be done.

It's not everything your partner gets to tell you about himself/herself. We study to find out what he/she never told us. And do you know that when you find out something that is of utmost importance to your partner on your own, it would increase your value in his/her sight? It would also suggest that you care enough, which is why you went the extra mile for him/her. Every extra mile you go would attract extra bliss.

This is one of the things that prevent abuse in relationship: You must work at making yourself worthy. Whenever your worth is not known in your relationship watch it, it would certainly get rough. But when your worthiness is determined come hell or high water you will still be there.